I wrote this piece during my pregnancy shortly after we discovered the gender of our soon to arrive bundle of joy. A baby boy. We were both ecstatic. At our ultrasound we purchased a bear with a recording of the baby’s heartbeat as a memento. After arriving home a few days later, this was my reflection on the experience.
And as I lay in bed that evening replaying the short recording of the steady thumping of our tiny growing treasure’s little heart I wondered if really two hearts had been beating in me for much longer than I’d ever known.
You see as a follower of Christ, as one who’s chosen to walk the way of faith and relationship with Jesus, not only does my fleshly earthly heart beat within the walls of my chest as a gift from creator God but so too ought the beating and compassionate heart of Christ find it’s rhythm in my life. His heart beats for the lost, the hurting, the broken, the outcast, the unlikely, unlovely and unworthy. Its steady rhythm is grace and love, the systolic and diastolic. Grace for your brokenness, love for your possible wholeness.
There are days my fleshy heart with my own selfish ambitions, sins and hurt beats a drum line I’m not proud to march. Truthfully and shamefully I admit, I can feel the dissonance between the hearts. I feel the moment when I pass my hurting neighbour- my own heart beats me on pass them with vain distractions I call busyness, responsibilities, and “getting ahead”. His heart nearly breaks the flesh within me with its loud and overwhelming message to stop, offer grace and demonstrate love. Oh the dissonance. The tension between the tugging of hearts.
And there’s this little one with a heart barely big enough to survive, beating twice as fast as mine, growing, ever growing in the warmth of me. I realize with tears pooling and spilling, that if I want this little heart to beat in the rhythm of Christ’s heart, he ought to see and know how my own heart does the same.
So, I’ll listen one more time today – as I do nearly everyday because I want to be reminded. I want to be closer to this blossoming life in me, to express the love I already know for this precious possibility.
As I do God my Father whispers gently:
“Listen to my heart again, listen every moment of every day.
I want to be closer to you,
I long for you to know the love I’ve already shown.
Your life is a precious possibility.
Listen to my heart and steady your own
to find the peace, joy, love, grace and mercy that comes when our two hearts beat as one”.